Thursday, October 7, 2010

Resentful to Thankful; My Day Today.

Today has been a hard day. I didn’t sleep well and couldn’t shake it in the morning. The coffee was cold when I poured myself a cup. The diaper pail was overflowing. All I wanted to do today was work on things for me. Not for my daughter, my husband, or my house but for me. I want to be selfish. 

Today I felt resentful. I felt like I never get a turn until everyone else has had theirs. Breakfast was served for my daughter before me. I had to put my wants and needs on hold for hers.
Then a while later, after working on some projects that I wanted to get done, the guilt kicked in. I felt like I should have painted with my daughter. I should have read to her this morning. I should have sat with her instead of trying to just work around her.

To make today harder my daughter decided to only nap for 20 minutes. Then she wanted to lay with me. While I’m usually alright with “nurse naps” I wanted MY time and was miffed I wasn’t getting it. I threw in the towel and gave up. I brought her into my bed, snuggled up, latched her on and we had a nap. 45 minutes later she wakes me up by sticking her finger in my nose. 

When we fell asleep the sky was dark and grey, both physically and metaphorically. When we woke up the sun had actually come out and guess what? I felt better. We felt better. Our 45 minute snuggle together reminded me that these moments should not be resented or taken for granted. The fact that my daughter needs me is an amazing feeling. Having someone look up to you and feel like you’re the only thing that matters to them is a great feeling. All it took was one smile and laugh from her and things just got better. I had forgotten why I was mad, and just wanted to give her a squeeze. 

It’s days like today that remind me how incredibly lucky I am to have my daughter in my life. She keeps me sane, even while driving me crazy. She makes me laugh when I just want to cry. Without her even realizing it, she is the most important part of my day. While it’s definitely hard and demanding sometimes, it’s totally worth it. She deserves every ounce of sacrifice and “me” time I have to give her. 

I think everyone needs a two year old. It’s impossible to have a bad day with a tiny, smiling person standing beside you.


1 comment:

  1. I love this Charissa! I love reading your posts because they make me realize that I'm not the only one feeling all these weird Mom feelings. I've definitely had days like this one and you're can you have a bad day when you have a small little person looking up at you and smiling or saying things like "lookit mama truck poop in it pants" hahaha!